I almost decided not to write about our 32 years of marriage today as right now 2 young couples we care for very deeply are choosing not to stay together. We are so sad for them. We love them. (period) That will never change. However, in my attempt not to offend them I don’t want to give up one of our life missions which is to challenge and encourage people to have healthy lifelong marriages the way we believe God intended. That mission will also never change.
This week we will be celebrating the start of our marriage. It was May 30th, 1981. A gorgeous day when I felt like Cinderella marrying the Prince from the ball. Then as happens, real life set in. While my prince met most of my dream-type expectations he did not meet them all and the same happened to him with his expectations of me.
My husband is a hard worker, sometimes too hard, for too long. He also can play hard, sometimes too hard, for too long.(in my opinion) I always want to get the work done BEFORE we play, sometimes that means we don’t play, and that can be bad. I love to talk through my latest life revelations or share the current book(s) I”m reading. He likes the “Reader’s Digest” version. He doesn’t always remember my work schedule…or our schedule in general while I plan my plans around our schedule diligently. He does most of the time. He doesn’t like talking on the phone and really doesn’t like writing so he leaves those tasks to me as much as humanly possible.
“Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For it they fall, one will lift up his companion. But wore to him who is alone when he falls. For he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together. they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
On May 30, 1981 our lives changed. We were no longer two separate people. We are one unit. Neither of us is perfect, not even close. We are better together. Living interdependently we are stronger, more well rounded. He takes me up and down and I level him out. Truthfully there are many things that each of us could say were a surprise to us after we got married.That’s okay.
32 years ago we had no idea what life would bring our way. We have done things together that neither of us would have done alone. We have met wonderful people that have greatly influenced our lives, together. We’ve made mistakes as individuals and as a couple. We’ve hurt each other unintentionally and sometimes intentionally. We are inter-dependent. That’s probably not a very socially acceptable thing to say but it’s true. We gave up independence May 30, 1981 at the wedding with a room full of witnesses. I can be quoted as saying, “I’ve had higher highs and lower lows in life due to my marriage relationship.” I am so glad we have chosen to walk this life with God and each other. Life could have been very boring without my husband.
What if the purpose of marriage is not to make us “happy” but to make us “holy” (sanctified, set apart to God) as author Gary Thomas asks? That’s something worth thinking about.