This weekend was very comfortable for me. I’ve been working extra hours for 3 weeks now. I can let that drive me crazy with the “what about getting______ done” but I’ve determined this is the current season I am in. I’m going to accept it for what it is. So when my husband asked me if I would take a mini road trip to check out some bikes on Saturday (knowing we had tickets to a concert that night) I said, “yes!” See in my past I would have said, I don’t have time – house to clean, laundry to do, dishes to wash – you know the drill. And I probably would have been inwardly upset that he even asked…”couldn’t he see all that I have to do? He could offer to help. Then at the end of the weekend when I sat down to watch one TV show “to relax” I would think, “where has the weekend gone? I’m not ready to go back to work yet. quiet grumble” Why would I push myself like that? Expectations. Mostly my own possibly a few by others but really, truly mostly my own.
I often do things because I believe someone else expects me to. The truth is if we trust God with our lives we should be doing things – every thing- out of love not our own expectations or guilt or for attention. There have been times in our marriage that I have chosen to do things out of fear of disappointing or upsetting my husband if I didn’t. That is not the way a healthy relationship works. This weekend was so comfortable because I knew that Mark knew I’d been working alot. It was a beautiful day and there is nothing I like better than being outside after I’ve worked inside all day. There was something he wanted to check out AND he knew I’d be “happier” if I could enjoy some of the great weather we’ve been having and probably more productive. He was right on both fronts. In the past I would have said no, that I had too much to do around the house before going back to work on Monday. My mind would not have gotten a break and I wouldn’t be in a good mood, ready to work again this morning. I’d be wishing I had enjoyed the weekend more and hoping that the clean pile of clothes and well swept floors would make my husband happy. Well his clothes are clean. The house is reasonably clean and I’m recharged for this week.
What did we do to get to this point? We just keep talking, praying and trusting God. God says “true love casts out fear.” I’m not afraid to ask Mark what he really needs/wants from me today AND I’m willing to let some of my own expectations away. We talked about this “busy season” at work. We both realize it won’t last forever. It’s all about relationship which involves doing life together, trusting each other and God with outcomes.