Marriage Monday – History Repeats Itself?

History often repeats itself, at least that’s what “they” say. I asked some elderly people what they thought this winter’s weather would be like. Why? Because they’ve lived along time and have seen alot of weather patterns. Sure enough one of them told me about 1936 which in her opinion was “just like this year”. She thinks there will be alot of snow in Iowa this winter. We’ll see.

When it comes to marriage I can attest to history repeating itself. Based on history I can tell you if there are bananas, chocolate syrup and ice cream in the house who will want that altogether for dessert. I can tell you when I’ll get the Christmas tree out. I can tell you the look I’ll get when I bring up that phone call I think he should make…again. (smile) We were talking about this Friday night on our weekly “date”. There is comfort with knowing a person very well, trusting them, and well, just being comfortable with them. However there is a danger as well. The danger is not really allowing your spouse or relationship to grow. Chances are if you don’t expect anything different you won’t get anything different. Sometimes we are surprised but more often we are not and you know what? I put that on the one with the expectations.

Several years ago now my husband worked himself nearly to death, really. He always worked long and hard but in this particular time I worked along side him. I saw that he was struggling and often in order to “give him a break” or not “let someone down” I filled a gap. I prolonged the inevitable and possibly even made it worse. (more intense) In the past year my husband has returned to worship leading. This is his #1 passion. The goal is to help build a team and work himself out of a job. I’m his helper. It started innocently. I did as I was asked. Then summer hit and my husband’s work was at “full tilt” and by old habits I started doing more of the behind the scenes work or nagging at him to get it done. Our timing of doing things is not the same and it never has been. People ask me questions because I’m his wife. I started answering them rather than referring them to him. After all he can’t answer all those questions at once and lead worship at two services. Hmmm, history repeating itself.  Yep, it started down that road. Why? NOT because my husband needed me to do all that I was doing but because I allowed my fear based on our past to rise up within me. Yesterday it became crystal clear to me that while I might be helping a little bit I was also muddy-ing the waters. No group needs two chiefs. While I might be afraid he will work too hard or let some ball drop as the saying goes, he is the leader. I’m the helper and the best way to help is to trust that he has learned from our past experience…like I am.

Do you ever let your past history dictate your actions regarding your marriage relationship? Could it be that you are slowing down an opportunity to grow or change for your spouse because of it? What do you think?