Last week I shared our perspective on marriage comparing it to being on the same team. Over the weekend we’ve been talking about that team needing to have the same goal. Every good team needs a coach with a vision. That coach shares the vision, inspiring the team to be disciplined, come to practices and work hard. This is evident in the current March Madness basketball tournament. Michigan State has been a significant competitor every year since 1998. That’s quite a record. Players recruited for this team know what the expectations are when they sign on. I’ve been thinking it should be the same in a marriage. What’s your goal?
What style of life do you want? How does your marraige relationship help that? One professional athlete explained that he was divorcing his wife because, “If I wanted a model or television star, I would have married one along time ago. All I wanted was a a housewife.” They obviously didn’t discuss or weren’t honest with one another before they got married about what they wanted or expected their married life to look like. This conversation needs to happen and it really does need to be an honest one, not a what they want to hear or a politically/socially correct one. Marriage is a lifelong journey. Compromise on this decision and I believe you will live to regret it. So think about it what do you want your marriage to look like?
As a Christian the ultimate goal is to glorify God by representing Him through your relationship but that’s a very broad stroke statement. God created us with different personalities and interests. We need to live our lives being true to who we are. What is important to you? Are you career oriented? Does it matter if your spouse makes more money than you? Are you okay with working long hours so your career can develop and then needing to just crash on the weekends? Or are you more people focused? Do you want to have a home and marriage that includes having people to your home often? Are sports or the arts important to you? What about kids and family? Do you want kids? Is it okay with you that they go to daycare or do you think that a parent should stay home with them? Is extended family important in your life? These are questions that need to be answered to develop your “team”. Some teams will be playing the game headed towards a big house and a big retirement income, hoping to travel after working hard for years. Others won’t be focused on large sums of income but just enough to have a home and enjoy their family. Some teams will be quiet and focused on couple/family together time. Others will be the organizer of all the fun for your circle of friends. Where do you see yourself?
If you are already married, like me. It’s not too late to have these kinds of talks. We’ve had a good time seeing where we’ve been, where we are and making sure we are on the same page from here forward. When we first got married I had a different picture of just how our life would look than Mark did. We had basically the same goal but we had different views of how to get there. I learned pushing my way didn’t make either of us happy. That’s one of those lessons the sooner learned the better! Communication is the name of this game. Remembering you are on the same team means you both win when you take some time to talk about what it is you want out of marriage in your life. Be open your spouse or spouse to be can broaden your horizons. I have been known to say that being married to Mark as afforded me higher highs and lower lows than I ever would have experienced on my own. That’s a good thing. He’s added color and a bit of adventure into my life.
So it’s your turn now. Where’s your “team” headed?