Have you ever physically been in one part of your life, but you’re living in another?
Give or take an instance or two over the years, I’ve always been pretty good at
enjoying and soaking up whatever stage of life I’m in. But as of late, I’ve found that
the opposite is true in almost every aspect of my existence.
My fiancé and I are living a couple of hours away from each other, and while I can’t
even consider it “long distance” because we see each other almost every weekend, I
still wish away the days till Friday and feel a sadness in my heart come Sunday. And
while I always swore I wouldn’t be that kind of person, that I would be the girl who
enjoys the Monday-Thursdays of life, I keep telling myself that once we finally get
married and live together, I’ll be content again. (Even just writing that makes me sad
At work, I’m antsy. I’m unsettled, and I’m ready for something new. At 9:27 AM
every single morning, multiple job boards send me notifications on my phone, each
vibration bringing hope of a possibility of the next step in my career path. I’m barely
focused on the work in front of me or on striving to be the best employee that I can
be; I’m only focused on leaving.
In my spiritual life, I can feel God reviving a hunger for Him in my heart again that
I’ve been seeking for months, and I know I’m in desperate need of community to
continue to grow. But I tell myself that joining a group will be easier when Josh and I
are in one place on the weekends, that we’ll have more time to be more involved
when we don’t have to drive as much, and I justify myself wishing away the next
precious nine months of being engaged.
If you can’t tell, not only does the word “patient” not describe me as a person, but
“impatient” is unfortunately an adjective that belongs directly next to my name. If I
had my way, I’d be in the next stages of my life already, whatever those may be. But I
(both fortunately and unfortunately) don’t get to decide that timing, and for
whatever reason, He isn’t leading me to the next thing, yet.
I’ve been praying a bit while I’ve sat in this awkward, seemingly gray area of my life.
Like many Christians, I tend to run to Christ when there are trials and sing His
praises on a sunny, cloudless day. But what about when I’m just…here?
It has taken months of being “here” (I’m a slow learner, okay?), but a few weeks ago
it hit me that a) I have zero control (that’s a topic for a different time) and b) no time
is ever a waste as a child of God.
I might feel done with this chapter of my life and ready to move on, but I tend to
forget that as long as He keeps me grounded here, He has purpose and growth for
me to find right in this very place.
There are friends “here” who don’t know the indescribable love that I’ve been
privileged with—and often take for granted. “Here” is close to family who doesn’t
really know what it means to truly be joyful in spite of the circumstances that life
brings. Being “here” is being able to open my heart up even more so as an individual
toward being molded and spiritually prepared for marriage.
When I’m focused on myself and my own impatience, the love and grace that I’m
called to show others gets pushed to the wayside, often only making an appearance
after a particularly strong cup of coffee or a laidback Friday afternoon. And that’s
not what or who I’m called to be at all. Each moment is a precious opportunity for
my life to point to Him, and sulking and twiddling my thumbs while I wait for my
situation to change does exactly the opposite.
So whether you’re waiting for Him to make the next move, or you’re in a period of
time where you can barely catch your breath, here’s a friendly reminder if you need
it as much as I do:
His time is never wasted or meaningless, His work is never finished, and His plan is
Author Hannah Marsh is excitedly awaiting her wedding next summer while she continues as an author for a midwest publishing firm.
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